Extraordinary Mediocrity

As I was watching Mythbusters (love it) tonight I experienced the most jaw-droppingly mediocre ad that I have ever seen. Thanks to the miracle known as TiVO I was able to transcribe this stunning example of milquetoastocity brought to us by the lovely people at RE/MAX.

Voice-over: You can feel it.
Music: Flyin’ hiiii-iiigh!
Voice-over: Something special happens when the world’s most uncommon people come together with a common vision: to be the best in the world. RE/MAX agents are united with the passion that creates enduring excellence—a team of red, white and blue, merging your dreams with their devotion to reach higher.
Music: Flyin’ hiiii-iiiigh!
Voice-over: RE/MAX. Outstanding agents. Outstanding results.

I literally began to laugh out loud as soon as it had ended. It's truly unbelievable to me that anyone could ever write such miserable drivel and then go all the way to get it produced and then spend thousands of dollars to put it on the air.

There are so many clichés in there that I really don't think anything more needs to be said. The only thing that will make this better is what is going on the screen while all this literary injustice is being perpetrated.

Young, attractive people in red, white and blue skydiving jumpsuits walk down a runway. Man and woman give each other a handshake/high-five. A line of three red, white and blue Cessna planes barrel forwards as they takeoff over camera. Young, attractive people join hands in the inside of a plane to give pump-up cheer before jumping. Asian guy jumps out first, followed by exterior shot of the rest of the team pouring out of the planes. The sky is filled with skydiving RE/MAX agents. They begin to move together in unison. They begin to link hands, creating a formation. One African-American woman spins around and friendly waves to the camera with both hands reassuring the audience to join the group. Reverse shot shows what she see, the last of the agents flying towards her, yelling in ecstasy. They link up. She gives him a double thumbs-up. Wide shot from above the formation: The agents have formed a giant RE/MAX hot-air balloon with their bodies. Wide shot from below the formation. The agents begin to break away. The African-American woman waves goodbye to her friend. Her friend looks into the camera, again his face twisted in euphoria, as he releases his parachute and shoots up and out of the frame. Shot looking up from the ground as all the agents finally begin to land, their parachutes proudly displaying the RE/MAX logo. One final high-five as one agent touches down. Final shot as two agents walk towards the sun, parachutes in hand. The taller one on the left wraps his arm around the other's shoulder. A computer-generated RE/MAX hot-air balloon floats happily in the background.

Please.

Make the bleeding between my ears stop.